No measure of time with you, would be long enough. But we’ll start with forever.
The Best Thing About It: My drive-in burrito. I kid, I kid! (Well, sort of. It was really delicious.)
Concerning the storyline - Edward’s backstory. They reveal that he was basically a vampire version of Dexter, which is a really smart and interesting concept, but then immediately wussify (yep, I just made up a word) him. I think I’d enjoy old, badass Edward. If they make a movie about him, I’ll see it even without the lure of a greasy, meaty treat and a blog to vent my feelings.
Concerning the filmmaking – Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is technically leaps and bounds ahead of any of the rest of the saga. The dream sequence in which Bella imagines herself and Edward standing over the bloody, white-clad bodies of her family and friends at her wedding was perfect. But maybe even more impressive than that is the fact that Bill Condon managed to get Kristin Stewart to actually look people in the eyes and, at some point, I almost understood that she had emotions. Since this is the first I’m seeing of it, I’m going to credit that with the director’s instruction. I’m thrilled to see that he will continue to direct Part 2.
What Would’ve Made It Better: If something would’ve happened. Obviously I’m exaggerating a little, but it’s really not that far of a stretch. Since I watched Breaking Dawn at the drive-in with a clock visible at all times, I was painfully aware of how long things were drawn out. The first hour of the movie literally covered the wedding and honeymoon. AN HOUR! The second hour of the movie was everyone waiting around for Bella to have the baby. While I’m sure these are events that book fans have been eagerly awaiting, for us movie-only watchers, it just dragged on and on… and on. I’m all for taking time so viewers can experience what the characters are feeling, but in this case it was ineffective. I just kept waiting for something to happen, but in the end all I got was a minute long teaser in during the credits. Guess they’re saving the ”good stuff” for the last movie.
Random Thoughts: I’m off Team Jacob. Not because I want to switch teams, but because both of these guys are far too stupid for me to pick sides.
I felt for Jacob, but now he’s just become pathetic. She’s married and is clearly only keeping him around because she’s selfish and sees him and someone who can fill a void that Edward can’t. Have some self-respect and move on with your life, Jacob. Stop risking everything and turning against your family to defend her. She chose Edward – it’s now his responsibility, not yours.
I can’t be on Team Jacob until he grows a pair. I respect that he’s secure enough to allow Jacob to hang around, but come on! Bella mentions that she’s cold and immediately Jacob is there offering to warm her with his body heat. Do blankets not exist in Forks? This is something that should irritate him. Bella suggests they name their son EJ (Edward Jacob) and he doesn’t have a problem with that?! I’ll suggest to my future husband that we name our son after all the guys I’ve had feelings for and see how that goes over. And, maybe the worst infraction of them all, Bella tells Jacob in front of the entire Cullen clan that without him she doesn’t feel complete. Hasn’t Jerry McGuire taught us anything?! Still, no reaction. What the what?! Be a man, Edward. Do something! You’re a flipping vampire!
How long was Jacob on-screen before he took his shirt off? Hmm.. 13 seconds or so. Hilarious.
“Bella, you can’t let Edward turn you!”
“Oh, well he’s not going to do it until after the honeymoon.”
“What?! You’re gonna have sex with him before he turns you? He must turn you now!”
There’s no pleasing Jacob.
Since Bella and Edward having sex was supposed to be some big (pardon my use of words) climax, shouldn’t it have been more passionate? First, they’ve been waiting to do this so I expected some sort of emotion to be involved. Second, apparently he could’ve killed her with his penis, but everything seemed pretty boring. And third, he freaks out over a few bruises when clearly it could’ve been much worse and she was fine. I know it’s just a sex scene, but given the bit of history we do know about the characters, it should’ve been handled better.
Could any movie be more heavy-handed about two people being in love? Jiminy Christmas.
Who spends their honeymoon playing chess on a beach? BORING!
When it comes to music, Breaking Dawn is the Full House of movies. Every time there’s some “meaningful” moment, the filmmakers goad you into emotion with musical cues. Unfortunately this takes place in over 93% of the movie.
The Twilight saga is pretty bad, but the wolf conversation with the pack in wolf form was so bad that it even looked stupid in a Twilight movie. Either have the conversation in human form or sub-title the wolf groans. The talk/growl combo was horrible.
Why not turn Bella when she starts having problems with the pregnancy? Wouldn’t that have saved all sorts of problems? I’m assuming they addressed that in the book, but I’m not reading the book so they should’ve filled the rest of us in.
No Volturi? Blerg. Luckily they’ve put off all the potentially interesting stuff for the last four movies, so the finale should actually be entertaining. Should be.
Hottie Alert (for the dudes): Nikki Reed
The Verdict: While technically Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is substantially better that the rest of the saga thus far, the story line was a complete bore. “READ THE BOOKS!” I hear you yelling at me. I’m not arguing that the books aren’t better, I’m just saying that I’m watching the movie. I should be able to do that and still get a coherent story without reading the books. It’s irresponsible film making. They use their time so poorly, it’s should be embarrassing to Stephanie Meyer. I’m making an assumption here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say there is more depth to these characters in the book. Instead of wasting time on meaningless stares and atrocious dialogue, why not use it to flesh out your characters so I care about them despite the rest of the flaws in the story? Harry Potter managed to do it successfully – Twilight could’ve done the same.
But what am I really arguing here? I’m up in arms about the series as a person who loves the art of filmmaking and dramatic story telling. These movies were not made for people like me. They were made for teenage girls. It’d be like me getting upset about a movie adaptation of The Babysitters Club. It’s not made to please me, so my opinion is moot. If the fans enjoy it, then it’s a success. And seeing the response I’ve got from my Twi-hard friends, it is. Still, I’m the one writing the reviews here, so in my moot opinion, Breaking Dawn: Part 1 gets a whopping 2/10.