15. The Christopher Guest Mockumentaries
Waiting For Guffman (1996) – 9.5/10
Best In Show (2000) – 7.5/10
A Mighty Wind (2003) – 8.5/10
For Your Consideration (2006) – 7/10
Why I love them so much: Besides the fact that they are drop deadpan hilarious and are unlike any other movie series in the known universe? The thing that makes them so funny to me is how close to reality they really hit. I know people like these people. They are larger than life personalities who are somehow real life personalities. The vast majority of every movie is improvised, which is a credit to the uniquely, wonderfully gifted troupe that Guest has collected.
Favorite moment of the series: In Waiting For Guffman, Corky St. Clair is the writer/director/star of the greatest community theater musical in the history of the world. Understandably, he needs a bigger budget to keep up with his ingenious creativity and imagination. So he goes to the board of directors, they turn him down, and he becomes unCorked. At which point he says, “And I’ll tell you why I can’t put up with you people: because you’re BASTARD people! That’s what you are! You’re just bastard people!” I can’t even fathom a guess at how many times I’ve called someone “bastard people” since. Thank you, Christopher Guest, for expanding my curse word vocabulary.
Hottie Alert: Parker Posey
My geeky confession: In a life reflecting art, reflecting life true story, I’ve found myself realizing that I am a character from a Christopher Guest film. I actually did some dinner theatre acting a couple years ago, and I started getting some comment card kudos about how I was so funny and talented. So I started thinking, man, the audiences really love me, maybe I should try out for some bigger shows, maybe even some paid shows, and if I do well there, who knows, maybe this will turn into something I can do for a living… big city, here I come! Yeah, I haven’t acted in another show since.
Twitter status update: HUGE folk show at Route 66 Lanes 2nite! Expecting sellout crowd of 27 people, so be early. Free shoe rental if u say Mitch & Mickey sent u!
14. The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) – 9/10
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) – 7.5/10
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) – 8.5/10
Why I love them so much: Honestly… I don’t. While there are instances when I find these films fun and exciting, I think them to be mostly tedious. I do appreciate the trilogy as a work of art, as masterful storytelling and as a complex and detailed mythology. Tolkien, with an assist from Peter Jackson, has created an incredibly dynamic world all its own. The imagination and the intricacies that fuel this series are bountiful, and I respect the work, even if I don’t consider myself a big fan.
Favorite moment of the series: Anytime Gollum pops his little Steve Buscemi-looking head up. Just as I’m about to nod off from the endless walking or the talking of rings, rings, and more rings, the miniature snooze savior jumps out at me with a bit of heartbreaking or devilishly frightening monologue. The CGI’d half-adorable, half-reprehensible freak of nature is instant ready entertainment in a movie filled with slow roasting characters and plotlines.
Hottie Alert (for the ladies): Orlando Bloom
My geeky confession: I’ve only rewatched the iconic trilogy on a couple of very specific occasions. When I discovered that Bret from Flight of the Conchords played “Elf at Council of Elrond”, I just had to bust out my copy of Fellowship of the Ring. The other time, I was IMDB’ing John Noble from Fringe and realized he was Denethor, so of course I had to dust off my The Return of the King and check crazy ol’ Dr. Walter Bishop out. It’s left up to your interpretation of “rewatching” as to whether or not fast forwarding through entire movies to watch 30 second clips so that I can see ½ of my favorite folk novelty band and my favorite TV mad scientist counts.
Twitter status update: Doing a little walking today.
Twitter status update an hour later: Still walking!
Twitter status update 30 minutes later: What a nice day for a walk!
Twitter status update 3 hours later: Okay, just got finished walking. I’m done. This is my ending tweet.
Twitter status update 20 minutes later: Psych! Okay, this is the last tweet, for real.
Twitter status update 15 minutes later: I mean it this time, the tweeting is over.
13. Austin Powers
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) – 9.5/10
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) – 8.5/10
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) – 6/10
Why I love them so much: Cause they’re groovy, baby, yeah! Now you might be thinking, “That sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby”, but I think they’re shagadelic! As a matter of fact, they make me horny, baby. I know you’re probably like, “Oh, behave” right now, so I’ll throw you a frickin’ bone and stop this before you throw me in a pool infested with frickin’ sharks with frickin’ lasers attached to their frickin’ heads. I’ll zip it. Zip it good. I’m Zippy Longstockings. Yeah, baby, yeah.
Favorite moment of the series: In all honesty, don’t all the hilarious one liners and hysterical scenes just kind of start running together? How do I pick one favorite funny in a series full of funnies? So I’ll just go with the first one that comes to my head right… now! Okay, got it. Gonna go with Dr. Evil’s group therapy session. We learn not only why he became such a meanie, but we also discover that his father claimed to have invented the question mark and often accused chestnuts of being lazy.
Hottie Alert: Elizabeth Hurley (International Man of Mystery)
My geeky confession: At a shopping mall in the middle of a long road trip, my bro in law and I both had the need to use the restroom. We walk into the presumably empty facilities, and we each head to our different stalls. After a minute or two of cross-toilet talking, I randomly started yelling, “Who does #2 work for?!” repeatedly, Austin Powers style, to which my bro in law and I started cracking up hysterically… as did the stranger a few stalls down.
Twitter status update: Help me get @MiniMe to ONE MILLION followers! No! Let’s make that… ONE HUNDRED BILLION followers!
Halloween (1978) – 10/10
Halloween II (1981) – 9/10
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) – 6/10
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) – 7/10
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) – 5.5/10
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) – 5/10
Halloween H20:20 Years Later (1998) – 7.5/10
Halloween: Resurrection (2002) – 7/10
Why I love them so much: Michael Myers is the scariest fictional serial killer of all time. That pale, emotionless mask that hides, according to Dr. Loomis himself, a “blank, pale, emotionless face.” The uneasy creepiness from a slight tilt of his head. The slow, predatory walk as he methodically zeroes in on a victim. And he does it all while the single most unsettling piano music of all time is playing in the background. I honestly believe that Michael Myers could be delivering flowers or saving small kittens stuck in trees, but if he did them set to that music, I’d still crap my pants.
Favorite moment of the series: For the vast majority of the beginning of Halloween, Laurie Strode notices a creeper stalking her all day. At one point, as she’s walking home from school with friends, she notices the man about 100 feet in front of her, half hidden by a hedge bush. Just a simple, terrifying image. I remember thinking when I first watched the film- this movie is doing something special… I’m absolutely horrified by this ghastly figure, and he’s just standing still in the middle of broad daylight.
Hottie Alert: Tyra Banks (Halloween: Resurrection)
My geeky confession: Although Halloween III was a complete departure from the Michael Myers storyline, it did give one gift to horror nuts- the Silver Shamrock song. Now every year as Halloween approaches, I will count down the days via song, “Four more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, four more days till Halloween… Silver Shamrock!” And then, “Three more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, three more days till Halloween… Silver Shamrock!” Yes, I become more increasingly annoying, just like the movie.
Twitter status update: My sis is ticking me off! Been chasing her around for 20 years, just tryin 2 return this butcher knife I borrowed!
11. The Vengeance Trilogy
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (2002) – 8.5/10
Oldboy (2003) – 10/10
Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2005) – 8/10
Why I love them so much: Nobody serves up revenge quite like the Koreans. This foreign trilogy is a gory, violent bloodfest with revenge as the central theme. The over the top violence is what grabs all the headlines, but it’s the twists and turns of the storylines that grab the head. For a set of films so drenched in blood, they are also surprisingly touching and poetic.
Favorite moment of the series: The twist to end all twists at the conclusion of Oldboy. Consider it the Korean cousin of the jaw dropper that was The Sixth Sense. Remember how American audiences were collectively gasping out loud when M. Night Shymalan’s finest moment was first unveiled? I imagine that’s exactly what transpired in Korean theaters when Chan-wook Park’s masterpiece peeled back its many layers, finally dropping a doozey on unsuspecting moviegoers.
Hottie Alert: Yeong-ae Lee (Lady Vengeance)
My geeky confession: On a strong recommendation from my friend the Tomatometer, I watched Oldboy… and then was horrified to realize that it was the second in a trilogy of movies! So after going back to watch Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, my movie OCD forced me to rewatch Oldboy before viewing Lady Vengeance so that I would have watched them in order. To further prove the ridiculous levels of my anality, have I mentioned that even though they are very much a trilogy, the storylines of the films are not connected whatsoever, making my insistence on watching them chronologically completely unnecessary?
Twitter status update: I just watch Saw. Movies is very funny! Jigsaw make me laugh, he such amateur.
Coming up: Top 20 Movie Franchises of All-Time: #10 – 6